Life after suicide: Group helps mourners through cleanup, funerals and grieving

2/20/2019 (Permalink)

Katie Hardy knows the pain of the suicide well.

Her mom took her own life in 2003, and since then, seven of her friends have committed suicide.

As part of the healing process, she started raising money for suicide prevention.

But after the 2012 suicide of Jason Lockwood, a fixture in Southeast Michigan's local music scene, Hardy saw her friends struggling to navigate their grief, and felt she needed to expand her efforts.

That's when Six Feet Over, a non-profit dedicated to helping the bereaved cope in the wake of a loved one's suicide, started taking shape.

The Hamtramck-based group guides people through the grieving process, helps fund funerals, and pays for the cleanup of suicide scenes.

And it raises money to do so with an annual comedy showcase, scheduled Saturday in Hamtramck

"I realized that there was a conversation that needed to be had, and we really needed to be there for each other," Hardy said about the aftermath of Lockwood's death. "People I loved didn't know how to talk about it and are now more at risk."

She said her concerns also grew because those who lose someone to suicide are more likely to commit suicide, even if they don't suffer from mental illness.

"[Lockwood's suicide] opened up a thousand people to a really crappy statistic, so these people are at a higher risk," Hardy said. "I wanted to make sure that this didn't become a horrible cycle of loss."

That goal is at the center of Six Feet Over's mission, and it's one of the few non-profits in the nation that pursues it by providing financial assistance to those who can't afford cleanup and funeral costs.

Six Feet Over and Suck It Suicide, which raises money for Six Feet Over, also offer financial assistance to make up for unpaid time off work taken to arrange funerals and deal with the loss.

"These are things that could effect the rest of people's lives in a lot of ways, so to help them heal and do it without worry is important," Hardy said.

An inexpensive funeral runs around $2,000, and clean up costs range between $500 and $2,000.

Six Feet Over contracts with a crime scene cleanup company that scrubs "every last millimeter," Hardy said. The company is sympathetic to Six Feet Over's cause and offers a small price break, but suicide can still be a huge financial burden.

"People were asking us for help paying for the funeral. They were cleaning up messes left behind, and we said 'That's got to be distressing,' so we added that onto our mission statement," she said.

"Those are things that no one thinks about, but they're important."

Hardy said she didn't know she was considered a "survivor" of suicide until several years ago, and there are specific support groups, networks and others who help those around a suicide.

"When you're in crisis you aren't thinking 'What would be the best search terms to help me look for help?' You're thinking 'Someone help me, please,'" Hardy said. "We help find resources and connect people to them. Once people know what's available, then they can open up and start a dialogue with themselves and others."

The group has also started providing support to high school kids who lose a friend, by setting up an off-campus safe space where kids can go to grieve. Hardy said that's a sensitive situation that schools typically aren't equipped to handle.

"This gives kids the time and the opportunity to grieve and get a better understanding of where they're at," Hardy said.

Six Feet Over raises money through donations and at fundraising events like this Saturday's comedy night at Small's in Hamtramck. Hardy also has shirts available on the non-profit's website and sets up at music festivals and events where the group raises awareness and funds.

Hardy's work with Six Feet Over caught the attention of others in the mental health field, and she was recently asked to join the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline Consumer/Survivor Subcommittee, which advises a steering committee of the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline.

The subcommittee's objective, Hardy explained, is to make the Lifeline more inclusive to those who might need it.

While many of those in the field are doctors and clinical-types, Hardy represents and provides a voice for the crowd that "likes to swear, drink and listen to loud music."

That's a valuable voice on a board filled with people who can't always connect on a certain level with that crowd, she said.

"I'm what they call the 'lived experience,'" Hardy said.

More at sixftover.org.